You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
