he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
