I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
