I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
