Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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