I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize