I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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