you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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