If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
