the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
