Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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