Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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