So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
