HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
