1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
