I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize