ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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