i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
