after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
