vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
