Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
