can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
