Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
