Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
