I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize