I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
