Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
