Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
