I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
