I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize