I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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