You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
