Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
