You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
