Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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