By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
