She just used a chaser for red wine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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