Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
