You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
