Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
