I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
