I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
