dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
