I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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