party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
