so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
