he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize