I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
