Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
