Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
