just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
