i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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