Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
