There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
