Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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