i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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