My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
