The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
