Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
