Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
