I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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