omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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