i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
