Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
