We got so high we made milksteak
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just invented taco cereal.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
