No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
